I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We left the knife in your bed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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