Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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