sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize