so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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