Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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