im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
my liver is dry heaving
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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