You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just puked most of my soul out..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize