he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
