we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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