don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
