Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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