Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
