She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
