Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I could make wine with my vomit
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
