I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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