ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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