I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The adults are the big ones right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
