I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
