What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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