ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize