giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
