hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize