I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
