He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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