Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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