you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
MIDGETS
????
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
