Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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