I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
