I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
