put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
