Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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