God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
