After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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