I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
