He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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