pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize