Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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