I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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