Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
