meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just sucked dick on a ferry
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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