i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
