do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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