I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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