Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize