I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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