i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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