They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude i'm inner monologue high
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
