Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
