You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
