I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
