Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
