dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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