Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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