is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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