his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
