whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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