Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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