So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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