Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
