don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize