Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
