So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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