He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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