You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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