I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
