No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
