Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
