ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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