If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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