Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
