So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
