I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize