He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
