what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My vagina just recognized that song.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
