Pappa wants mamma naked
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
