apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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