i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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