Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
