***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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