I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
