I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
