I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
