So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
