my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
