I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
