come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
