ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
