Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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