Buhtt sex?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
