i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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