My pussy is not your playground.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
