I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
