Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize