I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
