Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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