guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize