Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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