I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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