listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
