Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
