I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
