so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just cropdusted the office
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize