once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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