i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
