so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
