dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
