guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
