Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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