DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
