Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
