May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
