My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She told me I should be a condom model.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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